Flashback...

Occupation: Internal Auditor

Just writing that down seems surreal. I've been writing student as my occupation for my entire life and now writing internal auditor just seem extremely surreal.

I've come a long, long way.

I was never a top achiever. I was never in the best class. Actually, I've been in the last class for almost my entire school life. Everything started to change after Penilaian Menengah Rendah (PMR) or lower secondary assessment examination. I went from being in the second last class to the third best class (there are seven classes in total). It blew my mind. I never though I could jump three classes up. I guess all those time spent in the library with one of my best friend in high school paid off. I know I should have been happy but I had mixed emotion. When I saw my name on the list, none of the other names seem familiar to me. In other words, I had no friends in that class. Not even a single person.

I didn't look forward to attend school. I dread of the idea of going to school actually. No one spoken to me. It was like I was invisible in class. Everyone was snobbish but I can't say I didn't expect that. They were smart, after all. I felt depressed, miserable, and isolated. The only time I felt happy was during break time, where I get to eat with my friends but it only lasted 30 minutes.

After two months of misery, I couldn't take it any longer. I knew if I didn't do anything about it I'd be depressed. So I talked to my father about it and I begged him to speak to the principle about changing my class. The principle wasn't happy with my decision because changing class meant that I'd be behind for one subject. In Malaysia, or at least in my high school, the classes were split up into three different categories - Science (3 classes), Hybrid (1 class), and Commerce (3 classes). The ones who scored well in PMR are in Science and well, the ones who didn't score well in PMR, would be in Commerce. Hybrid was something new they introduced in my year, the only difference it had with Science class was instead of studying Physics, students in Hybrid class was taught Accounting. So by changing my class, it'd mean that I'd be behind in my Accounting subject. I'd rather be behind than be depressed, so I said I'd try my best to catch up with the class. Eventually the principle gave in.

But of course, the Accounting teacher wasn't happy. She felt like I was going to drop the passing rate for her subject. She wasn't as welcoming as she could have been. Malaysian teachers, they expect the worst out of their student, or at least that was what most of the teachers expected me to be - their worst student ever. I almost gave up studying. I felt like s#it. I felt unappreciated. Like everything I did, I was being picked on. The teachers were never satisfied despite me doing my best. However, my father told me not to take it too hard on myself. As long as I know that I've worked for it, that's enough. As long as I'm happy with it, that's enough. And he was right, I shouldn't give up just because a teacher told me I wouldn't sum up into anything in the future. His words encouraged me to work harder to prove those who doubted me wrong. And I supposed I did prove them wrong because not only have I scored A1 in Accounting for Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia (SPM) but I got 1 for the LCCI Level 3 (Book-keeping) grading too. I didn't attend any tuition classes for Accounting but I bought all the revision books available and did all the practice questions, ALL. And I really did enjoy doing book-keeping, although I get really frustrated when I can't balance my accounts. Practice makes perfect.

So what I'm trying to say is don't ever give up on yourself even when everyone around you give up on you. Believe and have faith in yourself and God, the Almighty. I can't be anymore grateful than I am today. My father was my biggest supporter. He always did believe in me, even when I doubted myself. I think he would have been so proud of me, if he was still around. Losing him was difficult because I now no longer have someone who listens and guides me through my problems.  

I love you daddy.

When I am down and, oh, my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up to more than I can be.